xoagray

Been having a lot of off days lately, nerves not ableto settle, and in general having to try really hard to be motivated. It's hard to stay upbeat when you're trying to find work and better your situation and keep not getting anything.
Also concern about my little brothers and the situation in NY is heavy on my mmind. I wish I could be there for them.

Well, if I had the cash to spend on taking advantage of the Black Friday sales, I'd likely use it to get some newer computer gear, and things for my friends that they've mentioned needing. Apple has some great deals, and so does HP and Dell.

X

First thing I do with my computer every day when I turn it on is check the job listing sites I always cycle through to see if anything new has come up from the night before.

X

As much as this is going to sound odd from me, I like it. I really do.

most of the beta testing I was involved in showed improvement over Vista (I know that doesn't say much, but go with me on this one). But really Microsoft did something with 7 that it seems to have had a very hard time doing with Vista. Actually taking the beta, taking the input from users, and FIXING the broken stuff!
Having been with the beta program, and now used the full release for over a week, I've had time to hammer on 7 a bit, and honestly all the issues that I had with gaming, networking, and other things are either totally gone, or have been reduced to the point that they're only worth mentioning for academic reasons! This is the first time since XP, I've honestly been impressed by a Windows OS.

Issues I've still got with 7.
Well, it'd be nice to have my Quicklaunch bar back. I used that a lot. So things are a bit inconvenient. But being my main OS is Mac OS, the new Taskbar is similar, and easy to adapt to. I also like the new look of 7, It's for the most part, Vista, but with Class!
My other issue, is still networking. BUT, it's very minor. I have to tell my Mac to look for my computer, I can't just scan the network like I can with Ubuntu 9.10 or could with XP. This is however very minor, and a HUGE improvement over Vista's habit of being totally impossible to find with machines not running Vista. As well I have yet to have 7 mess up a file transfer, compared to Vista routinely screwing up large file transfers.

Other than that, (and that list is pretty damn small.) I have no real issue with 7 as of yet. That may change as I continue to use the OS, tossing different games and software at it. But for right now, 7 seems to be a very stout, impressive OS from a company that had honestly been on my bad side since the Vista years, and the more recent debacle with Danger and botching up Sidekick users around the world for close to a month.
This is the first time in many years, I'm actually wanting to buy a Windows OS. (last time was XP.)

X

For the last few years, I've heard almost nothing from my "family" in NY. Up till recently, post my stepfather's breakdown, and going into the mental hospital. He however returned from that, and as far as everyone knew, was fine.
But last night I found out things that have been going on there that I had NO idea about, and am not even sure how to react to. I'm at the same time outraged, disgusted, and shocked. And what makes this hard is that I'm 1,200 miles away, and really can't do anything from here.
I found out last night that my little brother was being beaten, and abused in several ways by not only my stepfather, but also by 2 of the neighbors. I don't know for how long this has been going on, but it all just came out last night. My brother never called me, or contacted me, because he was afraid. The neighbors I thought I could trust, have turned out to be crooked, I had to hear this from a friend of mine, and my aunt, who took my little brothers in after my stepfather abandoned them. (both are much younger than I, and autistic.)
It's been such a shock. I knew things weren't perfect up there, but I had no idea about any of this. It all just came out last night, I'm guessing because this is the first time in months, that my brother has felt safe, and able to talk about what was really going on there.
I wish I could have been there. My brothers are safe now, but I wish I could have known about this, and been there to protect them.

Woo, this was a blast! It was so great to finally get out and see some folks again. I really missed getting to hang with people. it feels like it's been forever.

Got to catch up with a lot of my friends, and meet a few new ones that I'd only talked to on line so far. And seriously had a great time.

Here's a few photos.










If you want to see more, head to

http://picasaweb.google.com/xoagray/Furloween10102409#

Huge thanks to Mach, KP, Yappy, Wildwolf, and everyone else that worked to make this party kick ass! Here's to the next 10 years!

It seems like it's just exploded in this area lately. I've been riding the want ads like they're my personal bitch for a while, and it seems like anymore in this area it's just page after page of telemarketing. . . But it wasn't like this before.
So I'm wondering what the heck caused all the telemarketing to suddenly be all over Altamonte. Because whatever the reason is, it needs fixed! The telemarketing adds are so thick they're as bad as the spam ads. And almost as useful.
Though, for that matter, many of them ARE spam. In my attempts to find any kind of work, I've actually been calling some of these ads, and a lot of them are a recording, or shunt you off to someone else's call center... ugh.

Well, something good finally happened, one of us found a job! It's been a lot of work, but Xan landed a positon. Now I just have to find something.

With as hard as it is to get any job now a days, this is an awesome thing. Hopefully it won't be long before I have one as well. I'm getting more interviews, so that's a good sign. :)

*wags*

Probably the scariest thing I ever did drug wise is cocaine. When I was in my late teens, I did a little with some friends. I remember that night laying in bed with my heart racing 100mph, NOTHING I could do would make it slow down. I was honestly afraid I was going to have a heart attack and die. That was the first, and last time I ever touched the stuff.
I'm sure some people would say I just did too much, but I really didn't do much, about half what my friend did, if that. But it was enough for me to have never done it again since.

X

Well, it's been an exhaustive last couple months, I haven't really been on here much because of it. I try to pop on and at least leave a journal now and again. I spend a lot of time out, away from my computer.
What have I been doing? Well, for the most part trying to find work. it's been rough, but at least some headway seems to be coming. I'm getting some interviews now where I really wasn't before. I've had 3 this week, I have one next week, and I'm still out there getting applications and filling them out wherever I can find somewhere to take one. Though riding around in the heat all day has been kicking my ass for a while. I didn't realize it till the other day, but the reason I've been getting so weak and shaky lately is i've been getting close to heat stroke out there all day in dress clothes on a bike. I know, fun right?
I'm hoping that with the holiday season coming on fast, someone will hire Xan and I on as holiday help, if not perm. At least it would be something while we continue to try and find more work. Bigger issues there are that we don't have a car, which seems to be a deal breaker at a lot of places, and that our phones won't have service after the 8th. That's going to suck because at that point the only way we'll be able to be reached by potential employers is via email, and most of the time if they can't just call you, they don't bother.
Other than that we're trying to keep the roof over us. I've been trying to get any side work that I can. I've had to sell my camera, so getting any extra work shooting isn't very likely. Without my good camera, all I've got is my little Canon A550. But I'll write up the adds anyway and see where it goes. Trying to find local stuff I can do that's within my riding range. I'm also going to be putting out some furry stuff, see if I can make some food money. Nothing I would expect to save our home, but at least maybe it'd be enough so we could eat, that's all I really want out of it.
Here's hoping work comes soon and things start looking up. It's so fucking overdue.

Also I've been looking into college, but it seems it's hell and a half to get someone to actually talk to you about going?! I've called the local school 4 times in the last week and gotten no reply. I'd call other schools but I don't have any way of getting to them reliably. it's likely just busy for them, I may just have to go over there and talk to someone in person.

Either way. here's hoping tomorrow is better than today. :)

Naa, I usually try to keep political discussions fairly low key. Unless it's something I really feel strongly about. And if something like that comes up, I'll just keep my thoughts to those who are more like minded.

Politics destroy enough without having it wreck a friendship too. *smirks*

X

I've been thinking of it for some time. I never got the chance to actually go to college when I was younger. But I've wanted to for a number of years now. Honestly, I'm nervous as hell about it. I've not been to school since 1993, so it's been 16 years. That and like most things in my life I've either had the money or the time, never do I seem to have both at the same time.
But I do realize that I'm not going to get anywhere if I don't start sometime. So Monday I'm going to be calling over to the local collage and seeing if I can talk to someone about what my options are. I figure if nothing else, I should at least be able to find someone that can point me in the right direction. But I really need to shake the willies about this. I know I'm not THAT old, but at 35, I fell really out of place. I'm not sure I can keep up after all this time. And yeah, I know there are people twice my age that are going to school again, it's just my nerves. With all the stress I've been under these last few years, it doesn't take much to get me shitting bricks anymore.

X

Well, over the last 7 months, I've not driven a car once. Because I can't afford one. So I bicycle everywhere.

I don't spend a lot of money on food, because I don't have it. So I save resources there.

I don't use a lot of throw away things, because I can't afford to replace them.

And I don't use a lot of resources by doing a lot of travel, partying, spending money on things and making factories belch out toxic gases and chemicals to create things like HDTV's, high end stereos, DVD's, and the likes, because I can't afford to buy them.

Poverty, the ultimate answer to protecting the environment.

What's the hardest part about looking for a new job? I'd have to say, that's got to be all the things that are counted against you now that weren't before. Or at least, not as much as they are now.

Credit reports for one. Why is my credit used? Because it's assumed a poor credit score makes you more likely to steal. I say check my criminal record, it's easy to find I don't have one.

Not owning a car. I've had a number of great interviews, end in "I'm sorry, if you don't own a car, we can't hire you". Even if a car isn't needed as part of the job! I've been told that "reliable transportation" is a requirement to work at said places, and apparently even though I can bike there and be 15 minutes early for my interview, a bicycle isn't counted as reliable.

Gaps in work history. This would be understandable 10 years ago, when the economy was doing a lot better, but now it's not uncommon for people to go months, even years without work. How is someone supposed to start not having gaps in their work history, if you can't get a job?

And finally, the largest thing is just that there is so many people out of work right now. This has two effects. First, for every job out there, there are now many more people trying to get that job. So the competition is more fierce than it's been in a long time.
Secondly, because there is such a glut of workers out there clamoring for jobs, employers value their employees much less. The effect is, pay rates drop, benefits go away, and people are infinitely replaceable. This is especially bad in Right to Work states where you can be fired for no real reason. Basically, job security is nonexistent, because you can be fired for nothing, and replaced in a heart beat by one of the masses who are eagerly waiting to take your job for less than you make.

All these things stack up to make it very hard for anyone entering the job market right now to get any work. Even if you don't have any black marks on your record, this is a bad time to be looking, because there are a lot of people out there that have had outstanding job careers so far who are now out of work due to companies closing, losing their homes and having to move, or any of a number of reasons that they have no direct control over. It's ugly out there.

Hopefully things will turn around soon, but until they do, wages will continue to fall, benefits will continue to be cut, and more and more people will be out of work. I see more and more employers offering less and less for the same jobs. what was a $20 hourly IT job 8 years ago, is now $10, and only contract. But it's not just IT, almost every sector of the job market has been effected this way to some degree.

What's my dream job? To be a photographer! It's something that I've wanted to do for a long time. Going on 15 years. I've been working on my skills in that field, and have been able to produce some pretty decent photos.

Will I ever get there? Maybe. Biggest things holding me back are equipment and money. which basically just comes down to money, because with that I could get the equipment I need to do whatever I wanted to. But like with anything, it requires a bit of luck, and hard work. I'll put the work in gladly, but the luck is something I can't control. All I can do is my best, and hope that I can either produce photos good enough to get noticed, or develop a knack for being just where I need to when things happen.
I know I'm good, and with a little time, and better equipment, I can be great. Just need to find a way to get the camera and other equipment to use my skills, and be a little luckier than the next guy. :)

X

If I had the choice, on the road. I've always loved to travel, and enjoyed driving. So much so that it's been one of my main sources of income for a long time. I never got tired of it either. Even if I had just rolled 8 hours I was always the first one to hop back in the truck and go some more. Being a driver, it gets in your blood and is almost addicting.
I haven't done it recently, because I've not had the resources. But when I do, I know where I'll be. :)

Dear Pizza Ninja, thanks man. You're probably one of the most under appreciated people out there. slipping through the night hanging coupons on doors all across town. But I sir or madam, salute you. Without your efforts, the $4.99 pizza would have slipped past us countless times. Truly, you averted a tragedy.

*wags*
X

Not five minutes after posting my last post, I walked outside and saw this.




Which prompted this.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2745605/

Maybe I'm finally on the right track. :)

X

I've been thinking about this a lot over the last year and a half I've been out of work. Am I trying too hard? I spend most of my time every day trying to find work. Literally hours on end in the attempt to find a job. And it's gotten me nowhere.

I've got friends all over Florida, I've seen 3 of them in the last 7 months that I've been back down here. Two of those friends only once. People that are right here in this same city as me, that I care a great deal for, and I've not seen them.

I haven't done anything "fun". Not one day have I spent going to parties, hanging with friends, doing any of the things I like to do. All in the name of trying to find a job, trying almost desperately to fix this broken, fucked up situation I've been in.

My stress levels have been so high, I can't sleep, I've been edgy and irritable, even if I could get out more, I'd be shitty company because every time I got a few free moments, I'm looking at Craigslist or something on my Sidekick.

But for all this, all this enormous amount of searching and trying and fighting to get a job, and keep the scant few possessions I have, I'm no farther ahead than I was that year and a half ago when I lost my apartment before. NOTHING has changed, accept that I've wasted another 1.5 years of my life. And what few things I have that actually ARE worth something, are on the auction block as we speak. But for what? Even if I do sell them, it's going to be less than 30 days till I'm in the exact same spot that I'm in right now. No gain at all.

And yeah, I've told myself, "But it's another 30 days to look for work! another chance to get somewhere!" But in the end, it's really not. Because dispite my tremendous efforts, there's still nothing coming out of it.

I've come to accept some things that are going to happen, as just things that are going to happen, I have no ability to change them.

First, weather or not I spend 12 or more hours a day looking for work, is not relevant to my getting a job. I'm a smart, capable man. I'm not finding work, because there just isn't any to get. Beating my head against a wall, staying up all night applying for jobs, and running all over begging every person that offers $7.50 an hour for work is NOT going to get me a job. Because the effect of doing this is that I've become such a bitter, depressed person, I can't possibly put out a good image. No one is going to hire someone that's constantly preoccupied with trying to save himself from oblivion, or so desperate that he'll do anything or take any job just to save himself. I'll spend time looking sure, but no more than a few hours a day.

Second, I'm going to do things that I like. I've wasted so much time digging and striving to try and find work, that I've done almost nothing for me in the last 1.5 years, and damn little for almost 5. I've not been to any cons, I've been to like 2 parties, I've seen almost no one. I've become like a ghost to everyone, even the people that I care about most, and this SHOULD NEVER be. In the attempt to try and find work, I've all but alienated the people that DO care about me. And right now, I need them more than ever.
I have passions that many have NEVER even heard of because I don't ever get to indulge them! Most people know I have a deep love of photography, but how many know that I love Natural History? Or that tearing an engine apart makes me happy? How many people know I love to dance? No one, because I never get to DO those things anymore. I like to write, but it's been over a decade since I've put a story down! I simply couldn't spare the brain time to spend on it due to my relentless pursuit of work!

Third, I'm going to accept that all I can do, really is ALL I can do. I beat myself up ALL the time because I'm not able to find work, and I shouldn't. It's not entirely MY fault that I can't. Things are completely shit right now in the job market, HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of people are out of work RIGHT NOW! Why should I feel bad because I'M one of them? It's not just me! As long as I know I'm trying the best I can, I'm not going to stress over it anymore.

Lastly, I'm going to make an effort to spend time with the people that mean something to me. If I have a home for only another week and a half. I want that last week and a half to be full of good memories, I want to hug my friends, I want to drink and laugh, not spend that precious time buried in what's likely to be fruitless job searches and misery. If there's work out there for ME to have, I'll find it. But I'm not going to put my entire exsistance on hold anymore to do so.

I've sacrificed so much, so many things for so long that I don't even know what it's like to have a normal life anymore. to do things like just grab lunch with a friend, because you want to. Or go see a movie with someone. Hell, even just sitting down and talking to friends, things that everyone takes so very for granted every single day.
Take your life, now remove all the social things you do. NO parties, NO hanging out, NO nothing but looking for work, that's been my life for many years. And it HAS to stop.

I've been talking about feeling a change, I've mentioned it for a long time now. I think this is really it. I have to change, or I'm going to be stuck in this loop forever. And I don't want that.

The first thing I'm going to do when I get a little money, is eat. I haven't done that in a couple days. Then I'm going to get my bike fixed, so I can get around. I'm going to then look around at a few places for work, smiling, and tail wagging happy because I'm also going to buy a bottle of rum, the stuff I like. Then I'm going to play for a change! I'm going to see friends, and do stuff that I haven't in ages. I need that.

Like any other animal, to avoid extinction, I will adapt. I'm not going to sit here and die of my own misery. Weather or not I'm meant to be long for this world, I don't care anymore. If I don't "live", I'm going to "die".

As of right now, my life is changed forever. As of right this second, bang, it's done.

Apparently, a fake Steam groups page is being used to steal peoples log in info. If anyone sends you a link to log into

THIS

http ://communityvalve. t35.com spaces added so it won't link

page, (look at the URL closely when you log into Groups on Steam)

it's part of a phishing scheme that will allow whoever's doing this to steal your Steam user account and forward the invite to those on your user list.

So in short, be very careful when you log into stem if someone sends you a link, be sure that if you're logging into the steam communities, you see

this address

https://steamcommunity.com/

good luck, and have fun everyone.

Xoa